LYRICS
Do you find your daughter's friends attractive,
but know they look at you as just a dad?
Does the typing pool at work think of you more as
a teddy bear than a tiger?
Do you whack off in your minivan
while listening to teen pop?
You know, you'll be dead soon.
You've missed out on so much.
It's not too late to make a change.
At the Midlife Crisis Center,
we know you've made a success of yourself.
Why are you sharing it with others?
Why not enjoy it while you have the chance?
What's holding you back?
Cowardice. We'll get you to
the other side of your despair.
We specialize in real estate, divorce attorneys,
mistress placement, plastic surgery,
hair coloring and replacement,
male fur coats, and much more.
With a designer clothing store and
sports car dealership on site.
The Midlife Crisis Center will
help you rediscover life while you still can.
Come with your wife, leave with a sports car.
While you've made a success of yourself,
her chest has gone south.
How can you have that trollop on your arm
for a second longer?
The answer is, you can't.
Ignore your children. Take yourself seriously.
Visit the Midlife Crisis Center today.