Piglet

You'd already been half an hour with pre-clubbing shower and

I'd always planned to have a look in your special winnie the pooh book.

The place was marked and it was there in blue and white - it just said simply, "Paul stayed last night."

Next I was on the bog and you got down on one knee.

You were protesting your innocence and you started to cry as I started to pee.

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen. He might as well be a girl, he's a good for a laugh and he's good for bitching."

You said you'd never be willing or able.

And he looks like he was made on a ****ing table.

Although, to be fair,

I think he hides the bolts quite well, but as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell.

I had just assumed you'd completely gone off shagging and

I can you seen you with your new Uni pals, standing bragging.

Now he's your boyfriend and

I know you were talking shite but you still denied it when

I met you at someone's birthday party the other night.

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen. We have a good laugh when we're sitting bitching."

The words that you used to think turned me on just made me laugh - "Do you want to suck my cunt?" in real life just sounds naff.

And when we were with your friends

I just as well might of been no one.

And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one.