Don't Know Anymore

作曲 : Lily Kaplan

To get to my current position

I done more than 10,000 hours

Dreamt that I saw my name on a gravestone

Maybe then they would give me my flowers

Mum put 3 of her boys in the tub same time

Cah we couldn't afford to shower

Before man snaked me, I already saw it coming

I saw they were sour

But now it's my time to experience fame

The opps tryna find out where am I staying

My girl don't believe anything I'm saying

My family need anything, I'm paying

Sat down telling a therapist stories

I know she ain't gonna relate

What's this? What's that?

I don't care to explain

I'll deal with grief and bearing the pain

I don't paint these girls in a positive way

You can tell that my heart's been broken before

Tryna heal, but it's taking time

What's the point in life?

I don't know anymore

Tell the young boys stay in school

But I wouldn't be here if I followed the law

I keep making dumb decisions like I don't have control of my thoughts

The guys wouldn't know that I'm feeling like this

'Cause I conceal and hide it

Everyone's there on the weekend vibing

Nobody's there when I need consignment

I heard the quote that the strong survive

But I still got a fear of us dying

Some nights still toss and turn in my sleep

Cah I seen some serious violence

I was 6 years old when dad left home and they shot my grandad

All of that at once

My lil bro's still going to school

But he wanna do everything that the gang does

Now he's repeating the cycle

Cah he's outside and he wanna go act up

Got sick of the carton milk

It was free school meals, we never had pack lunch

Cutting the mould of the loaf of bread

And I looked in the fridge and the milk expired

All of the mandem jumped in the trap

Cah we put on The Wire and got inspired

Not surprised when I see man lying

It's fine, I already clocked they're liars

I just saw a cat that I know whilst driving

I might park up on the block, say hi

Mum's house banging out Beanie Sigel

I still don't feel much love in the air

Lost faith in God 'cause I thought I was cursed

Kept it to myself cah none of them cared

Telling my baby:

"Wait, I don't know how long it will it take, I'm gonna repair

If it all falls down, would you bounce?

If none of the tours sold out, are you gonna be there?"

There's a few times I lost faith in music

I put out a tune and it didn't get views

Me and my broski went and came up with a plan back then

But it didn't go through

You know that shit that you say when you're broke

Like "When I get dough I'ma bring in you too"

Then I blew up and reality hit

Shit, now I gotta think this through

Three little brothers

Mum's 40 and still ain't paid off her student loan

My dad can't move, he's ****ing paralysed

Just went through some serious stroke

The mandem calling me

YG's warning me

Saying that I gotta leave home

I get more money, more problems now

I had less to worry 'bout when I was broke

Remember I had one pair of Air Forces

Tryna keep out the creases

Now the front drive look like it's a showroom

And none of them leases

I'm extremely grateful for all my people

Cah none of them leeches

I dropped a tape, got a billion streams

And none of them even features

Now my bredrin dissed me tryna go viral

'Cause he ain't blown yet

How is that my fault?

I thought you was Christian

Why don't you move like Mathew, Phillip, disciple

But you wanna snake man, move like Judas

'Cause you ain't blew, it's ****ing vio

And we're in London, bare opportunity

It's not like we live in Ohio

I booked hotels and flights to all of these shows

And brought you to all of these countries

Say thank you and pretend that you're grateful

But when I turn man's back, say **** me

Whole six months, living at your mum's

We was with big bro, on our own, it was us three

Shouldn't ever bite the hand that feeds you

I leave man starving cah you're too hungry

I said that I got you, but you didn't trust me

I would've, but you didn't give me the chance

You can ask anyone of the mandem now if I ever left them in the dark

Whatever's meant to be will be

I can't turn back time or dwell on the past

But I sometimes wonder

Could have I got this far without losing my dargs?