Cleaning Out My Closet

Now, this might get a little personal

Or a lot actually Parental discretion is advised

When I was 10, b***h, I believed I could fly

I would just flap my ****ing arms and meet with the sky

And in my mind I would invision I was speaking with God

But this is just a ****ing portion of the war with my mind

And then I chop his ****ing fist off and beat him with mine

So I'm a take you ****ers back into the vortex of time

When I was 7 invision me at the bottom of stairs

And I silently swear that this is the truth no falacy here

See I was young man... I was just a toddler a kid

And he wasn't the first to successfully try what he did

Angel Haze+Cleaning Out My Closet+Classick+He took me to the basement and after the lights would be cu

He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his d**k through my gut

See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my mind

And then it happened like it happened like milions of times

And I would swear that I would tell but then they'd think I was lying

And now the power that he held was like a beacon in mine

So now I got used to it, I put up with the bullshit

And now my hate was so Vocanicly eruptive and bullshit

But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do

And they ate it up mother****ing, I was like a buffet for 2

And then it happened then at home where everybody ****ing knew

And they ain't do shit but ****ing blame it on youth

I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you

But even you by then wouldn't know what to do

And now it happened so often that he was getting particular

And I more scared every time I worked in my speed and ventricular

One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed

He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs

He told me

"Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks

So put your mouth on my d**k and suck and swallow the spit

And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said

I had no idea the affect it would have on my head

My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of my fear

Imagine being 7 seeing cum in yo underwear

I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt

Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through your guts

I thought of offing myself I thought of killing these mother****ers

Wanted to take a ****ing brick and push their teeth through their liver

Wanted to smash like the ****ing world and burn its leftover part

Wanted to rip it out and just ****ing step on my heart

Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men

But that didn't keep out of mother****ing reach of my sin

And psychologically I was just as ****ed as they come

I was confused I had to prove I wasn't ****ed from the jump

I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself

I tried to kill I tried to hide I tried to run from myself

There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was

So I create the other people I would try to become

sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was

I was extremely scared of men so I start liking girls

I started starving myself ****ing up my bodily health

I didn't want to be attractive to nobody else

I didn't want the appeal wanted to stop my own growth

But there's a ****ing reason behind every scar that I show

I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow

My mental state is out of date and that's how far as I know

My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do and

It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the truth

I'm not deranged anymore I'm not the same anymore

I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before

I had to deal with my shit I had to look at my truth

To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root

I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud

And I'm just standing breathing living proof look at me now

I made it through everything I made you look like a clown

I'm ****ing great, okay ****ing hate you mother****ers, look at me now

And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground

The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns

So just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can

Because it makes your story better when you read it, the end

That's the story of every scar that I show

I made it out this a mean nobody's goten before

I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop

Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet

I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop

Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet