High Five

I wanna

High five

I wanna

High five

I really want

A high five

And if you give me one

I'll put my hand down

But if you don't give me

A high five

Then I'll leave my hand up

And cause a

****in' scene

Cryin' grown man at your sister's birthday

Everybody askin' who brought that guy?

I'ma get weird and ruin your life

If you don't give me five and make it make it high

Down low, too slow

OH NO

I just offered your nephew blow

Stepped on shit talkin' mostly speed

And I'ma tell everyone you sold it to me

I really want a high five

And if you give me one, I'll put my hand down

I've met your family

I know your home address

You better slap a brother's metacarpus

Otherwise, I promise consequences

Heel toe, heel toe

Welcome to the friggin' pain rodeo

I hope you brought your fightin' chaps

'Cause I'm about to get you slapped

(aaa-eee-aaa-eee-aaa)

What's that sound?

Could it be me buyin' everyone a round of Fireball

But then drinkin' them all

And then tellin' your girlfriend that you're cheatin' on her with me

Someone pissed in all of your indoor houseplants

Oh, who could that be?

Somebody organized a ****fest with your parents

Oh, I'm a little bit naughty

Someone constructed an apiary in your bathroom

Thirteen thousand bees

Someone hacked your Twitter account

And now you're followin' Jeffrey Epstein

Does your employer know

That you starred in a TV show called

"Michael once admitted to me that he had sex on his boss' desk"

And yes, that show exists

But I guess that you just missed

That I constantly film you for an occasion just like this

An occasion just like this ruined

Because you're bein' a ****

You'll damage our friendship, you'll break up the band

If you don't slap my hand

I really want a high five

And if you give me one

I will stop ruinin' your life

I don't know how it started

But this is how it ends

If you just slap my hand

We go back to best friends