Red White & Blues

Hi, welcome to America! Glad you made it.

On the left you’ll notice a coin slot.

Insert dollars only please.

Got no bread for the rent,

I got my next two paychecks spent

And my debts are rising faster than a rocket

Money comes, doesn’t stay, now they say I’ve got to pay

And the man’s got his hands in yo’ pocket

I got the red, white, and blues, cause I got to pay my dues

To the Land of the Free, so they call it

I say, Help me through this mess

And they say, Kiss my IRS

And they left me here with the red white and blues

They demand I supply, but my deficit is high

And I don’t know how I’m ever gonna make it

While I watch my taxes soar, they say, Son you owe us more!

And if you don’t hand it over we’ll just take it

Got the red, white, and blues, cause I got to pay my dues

To the Land of the Free, so they call it

I say, Help me through this mess

And they say, Kiss my IRS

And they left me here with the red white and blues

(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

You see friends, Uncle Sam needs your money!

We got to support the CIA, the FBI,

And all of our associates at the BCCI!

Clark, he didn’t know anything-he didn’t know ANYthing!

We gotta fund some studies on UFOs,

We gotta help out all those poor S and Ls,

We gotta have a meeting with eating…so

We can’t give you a break, now can we, son? So,

I tell ya what we’re gonna do:

We’re gonna take your house,

We’re gonna take your car,

We’re gonna take your wife,

And we’re gonna take your guitar,

And if you got any dreams we’re gonna take them, too!

Heh heh heh heh—have a nice day!

I’ve got the red, white, and blues, cause I got to pay my dues

To the Land of the Free, so they call it

I say, Help me through this mess

And they say, K-k-k-kiss my IRS

And they left me here with the red white and blues

Come right this way.

Welcome to my office.

I do a lot of damage from this 12-by-12 cubicle! (laugh) You’ll see! Yeah!

You know, I mean,

Let me take a couple of examples here of great Americans who’ve contributed to our culture.

We like to treat ‘em the way we like to treat ‘em!

For instance, Redd Foxx,

Well he’s dead, but he had some gold chains on when he was buried,

You know, we know how to get in there and get those chains!

And, well, ol’ Willie Nelson!

Everybody loves him and well,

He was manipulated by a couple of big name accounting firms,

But that’s not gonna stop us from taking everything he’s got, is it? NO!

I’m gonna get you, Willie! Heh heh heh heh.

And now, well lemme see, ol’ –uh- Sammy Davis, Jr! Everybody loved him,

Well we’ll just chase his wife til she dies and take everything she has, too!

Because that’s the way we work!

We’re the IRS! We are the United States Government!

We spend our money the way it should be spent.

You see, for example, in California,

All these auto plants are moving down to Mexico,

Because the labor rates are cheaper.

We provide tax incentives for them to do that,

And then we just blame the unemployment on the Japanese! (laugh!)

Ding-dong!

Hi, I’m John, this is my wife, Cindy.

We’re IRS agents, we live next door to you now.